Loneliness in medicine
Dr Emily Palmer,
Acute Medicine FY3 & ‘You Okay, Doc?’ Ambassador
Medicine can be one of the loneliest of professions. Perhaps surprising on the surface, as we are meant to work in teams and are surrounded by colleagues and patients all day. However, there is clearly more to feeling supported than being physically in the presence of others, and the problem can exist both inside and outside of work hours.
Getting to succeed in medicine requires enormous amounts of solitary work – be it studying for exams when you’d rather see your friends, working on publications when you’d rather see your family, or completing portfolio requirements when you’d rather be doing anything else!
Work itself can be lonely too. You hold an immensely privileged position, but also listen to people’s worst experiences of life and thoughts and feelings that people don’t disclose to their own families. The responsibility of looking after other people for 12.5 hours without anyone checking in on you can also take its toll, and often being left to cover many wards on your own can leave you feeling more isolated than you ever expected going into a vocation so centred on human connection.
Outside of medicine, it can be difficult to maintain friendships, repeatedly making excuses for arriving late, or organising plans around an on call rota feeling like an impossible task. Prioritising patient care can often feel as though it has a negative impact on personal relationships, and that this is something friends and family might not understand.
After a worldwide pandemic and everyone’s own individual battles on top of that, feeling lonely is a normal emotional reaction to dealing with life from a different perspective and set of circumstances that is unique to you. However, it is vitally important to remember that feeling lonely does not mean you are alone.
If a friend reached out to you saying they were feeling isolated, you would talk to them and support them without hesitation, and without judgement or thinking they had failed. It is with the same attitude we must approach our own wellbeing, and listen to the advice we would give our friends. Let someone know. Tell someone you’re feeling a bit down. Talk about it. And I can guarantee that the first suggestion or admission of feeling a lonely will be met with conversation involving similar experiences.
After all, we have all been through a similar training (and, more often, service provision!) system and have acquired many similar traits en route – self-criticism, perfectionism, and preference to look after others rather than look after ourselves. These traits can all predispose us to struggling in private rather than sharing the early feelings of loneliness or burnout, and it is more important than ever to realise – you will not be the only one feeling alone.
Some practical tips for dealing with loneliness:
Ensure breaks on long & night shifts, to recalibrate with colleagues and make sure everyone is okay
Practice timely handover without feeling guilty. Your relationships outside of medicine are important
Create a work/study/relax schedule and ring-fence time to recharge with loved ones
If you don’t feel up for big plans, suggest a coffee or walk in the park as a shorter break
Be the friend to text a friend – People may not always feel able to reach out, and it is in those moments they rely on others reaching in
Text YOD to 85258 for free, confidential, 24/7 mental health SMS support from trained mental health support professionals.
And remember, so far you have survived 100% of your worst days. You are doing great!
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References
Norris S, Elliott L, Tan J (2010) The mental health of doctors: a systematic literature review.
Practitioner Health (2022). Why do doctors need a specialist mental health service? [Website] Accessed May 2022. Available at https://www.practitionerhealth.nhs.uk/why-do-doctors-need-a-specialist